I had a bit of a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago and it had to do with the realization that I have one year of school left until I am let off into the real world like a baby bird strong enough to fly away from its nest. The difference is (and this is of course impacted by my analytical, critical, and easily stressed nature), that I don't know if I am strong enough to fly away from the nest.
Okay, this has nothing to with the fact that I cannot fathom leaving my parents' home or that I would not be able to survive on my own (after all, I am alive after 4.5 months in another continent!). I mean, no one truly knows what they "want to be when they grow up", right? I suppose I always thought that I would go to college having a straight forward vision of exactly what job I was going to have after graduation and la la la, life would be that simple. Not quite, dear. The panic swept through my body when I started thinking about the facts, namely: salary, living arrangements, entry level positions, competition, interests, etc...and the list goes on. What if I despise where I end up working? What if I would really rather be studying ______? What if my dream job is ______, but I know that I could never realistically become that in this universe? What if I don't even find a job!!??
I wish life wasn't a mystery and I were one of those lucky people who was born knowing that I wanted to be an accountant, that I was going to join the circus, or that I was going to take over a second cousin's taxidermist company.
Tears and anxiety really don't solve anything but I cannot help but second guess myself. It's human nature I suppose.
Oy vey! I'm going to go join the circus now.
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