body of stress.

I had a bit of a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago and it had to do with the realization that I have one year of school left until I am let off into the real world like a baby bird strong enough to fly away from its nest. The difference is (and this is of course impacted by my analytical, critical, and easily stressed nature), that I don't know if I am strong enough to fly away from the nest.
Okay, this has nothing to with the fact that I cannot fathom leaving my parents' home or that I would not be able to survive on my own (after all, I am alive after 4.5 months in another continent!). I mean, no one truly knows what they "want to be when they grow up", right? I suppose I always thought that I would go to college having a straight forward vision of exactly what job I was going to have after graduation and la la la, life would be that simple. Not quite, dear. The panic swept through my body when I started thinking about the facts, namely: salary, living arrangements, entry level positions, competition, interests, etc...and the list goes on. What if I despise where I end up working? What if I would really rather be studying ______? What if my dream job is ______, but I know that I could never realistically become that in this universe? What if I don't even find a job!!??

I wish life wasn't a mystery and I were one of those lucky people who was born knowing that I wanted to be an accountant, that I was going to join the circus, or that I was going to take over a second cousin's taxidermist company.

Tears and anxiety really don't solve anything but I cannot help but second guess myself. It's human nature I suppose.

Oy vey! I'm going to go join the circus now.

summer '10

Apologies for the temporary laziness in my writing. I shouldn't make excuses, however, my spring semester was rather busy - a packed course load and an internship. I suppose I just lacked the motivation to note any of my thoughts like I did when I was in Milano. Even my photo additions were sparse.

Never fear, I am prepared to continue my cyber-mental journey with added discipline This year, summer is an entirely different tale in Kasia's life. Yes, third person..stay with me now..

I suppose you could call it lackluster and even cringe when I say I am spending the next couple months at a 9 to 5 (really 7:45 to 4:30), five day a week office job in New Jersey. In reality, a month has gone by in an instant, I live at home for free (!!), and I have a steady income (wonderful news for a starving college student). I am not denying that I had an equally demanding internship last summer, but let's be serious, spending it in the Bronx and spending it a white picket-fence suburban town is like Lady Gaga and the Queen of England. Not to say I am directly comparing LG and Q of E to either location but you get how ironic it is. In either case, I am still adjusting to a more "constricted" way of living and sometimes it's painfully frustrating.

Back to work and sneeking in some of the World Cup!
-k